Kiss
Puke
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
