So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
