Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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