So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
