I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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