duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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