I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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