i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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