i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
