You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
pray to the hookup gods
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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