he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
