Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
