and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
