All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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