You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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