I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
