I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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