remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
