But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
