I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
