I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
