You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
