conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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