$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
