i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
