dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
