She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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