I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
