I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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