Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
