My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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