he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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