she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
