what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
