If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
