yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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