Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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