Welp...herpes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
