i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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