I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
