so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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