If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
