I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i would punch a child for taco bell
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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