can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
