if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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