He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
