Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
