I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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