By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
