This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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