i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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