I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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