i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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