is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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