Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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