I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
birth control should be required to get into college
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
