fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
