he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
