I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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