Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
