i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
