The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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