I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
time to smoke my breakfast
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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