I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm really into asian looking animals
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
