Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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