I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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