She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
