Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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