Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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