Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
