I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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