His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
