I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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