I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
