I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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