sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
