6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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