So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
