he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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