Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
