Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
