i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
