oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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