she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A+ Viking dick
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
