Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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